The Conversation

The Trouble with Words

nospam@example.com (Liz Rasley) — Mon, 20 May 2013 10:53:00 -0500

Liz Brewer Rasley began writing at 15. When she is not writing, she is enjoying life with her family, friends and her dog. She loves writing on the intertwining of life and faith, and is a member of NorthPark Presbyterian Church. More of her writing can be found on her blog.

I’d really love to report to you that I have some deep new insight on words and communication today, but I don’t. I only have these smashed-up, over-used, trite phrases and thoughts that you’ve all heard before.

Sigh.

Currently I’m praying desperately for insight as to how to make this broad and open-ended topic (therefore, easy to write about, right?) interesting, fresh, new.

And can I tell you something, honestly?

I’m coming up with nothing.

Nothing meaning that, I think I’ve written 7 or 8 different drafts and they are all terrible. Terrible, car-wreck sort of bad. It’s really, really entertaining that I call myself a writer on days like these.

So, as I sit here, (this is draft 9 in case you’re counting), thinking very wistfully and hopefully that this means that my writing can only get better (or at the very least I can get out of this bad writing funk) I’m thinking that the only one of these pieces that will actually work, that will bring some sort clarity to this subject is my personal journey with words, so here goes it.

Words, love them as I may, get me into trouble.

Not trouble, like oops! Little Johnny’s in the cookie jar! Not the sweet, innocent forgivable trouble, but trouble, as in Johnny’s just stuffed all the cookies down into his shirt and has intentionally pushed the porcelain cookie jar over the edge of the counter just to watch it shatter into pieces.

Oh yes. Trouble.

Back in the day, I was a gossip. I probably still am now, though I do hope I’ve redeemed a bit of myself, learned from my hard, fast, and baptized-by-fire lessons. Though, some days I’m not so sure; some days it just feels sort of tamed, and a lot like being, I imagine, what a recovering addict feels like-you need a whole lot of grace and support and God and constant reminders to get through the day without slipping up.

In high school, I was a good friend, but I told secrets. In college, more or less the same, though I have to say my good friend skills were a little lacking, and told more secrets. Early on in my career, a little less of a good friend, and again, more secrets, and then I added in the enticing extras — a lot of talk, gossip, and judgment about how others carried on, more concentrating on the how they carried on than concentrating on the how I carried on.

And several times, I would even venture to say a little more than a handful of times, I got caught. Caught saying bad things about my friends. Caught saying negative things. And in one incident, I was apparently so negative that I had to sit in my manager’s office and listen to a lecture about why my behavior was not appropriate, her angry tone and many angry words thrown at me like daggers.

I’d love to say that I didn’t deserve that, that it was too harsh, but truth is, I needed to hear it about my words and actions. Whether of course, I wanted to hear it or not. I will be authentic in letting you know I did not like hearing it at all, especially at that moment.

But that experience, the one where I felt such a deep sense of shame and embarrassment was actually the turning point, a pivotal moment for me.

I had to do something about this, I finally realized. I had to stop hurting other people’s feelings. Just because I was in a bad mood that day, didn’t mean I had the luxury of taking others down with me. I had to somehow find or summon some strength to put on a positive game face, and I will have you know that this is not easy for me. I’m nothing if not truthful, and if you must know, my natural personality airs on more of the grumpy side than the wake-up-with-sunshine side.

But what I had I finally realized was that I affected other people with my words, hurt them even, people I loved, and I realized I was going to need to change, because degrading others is not what I wanted to do, to be known for.

Change was hard. Change still is hard. And took forever. And it meant I had to make different, uncomfortable choices like, as much as it would have been so delicious to have the last say, the last cutting and snappy remark about a celebrity’s outfit or someone else’s choices in life, I was going to have to leave it alone, walk away. Be brave and look stupid and judgmental for walking away, because I just couldn’t handle the temptation to cut someone else down to the size I thought they needed to be in order to make myself feel less insecure.

That was and still is the hardest thing to do today — walk away. Especially when it is so easy to fall into the vortex, the endless pit of comparison, and it tastes so good for that moment to demean someone else, to tell him or her what’s wrong with their lives, what’s wrong with their personhood, essentially.

Because gossip and all that entails is reducing another person in order to make yourself feel better, to somehow feel more secure about yourself, your life and your choices. And it’s a nasty, vicious cycle to get into, because the more you do it, the more you need it, and the more you need it, the worse you feel until you walk away from it for a while, and then you return again, and it’s like getting on a fast-moving ferris wheel after not sleeping enough and eating too much fried food. It just does not feel good.

And sometimes — I’ll admit it, I fall into the trap. I’ll glance at the magazines, I’ll watch (and judge) the reality show of the moment, and don’t even get me started on Wife Swap. If it’s on I just need to turn it off and find something much more entertaining to do or take up knitting, or rocket building, or some sort of engrossing hobby immediately as that show is a trap for me.

But here’s the growth: talking about people now, the subject I so loved to chat about in the past, well, now I feel incredibly bad the next hour, the next day, sometimes even the next several days. It feels as if I’ve smashed that cookie jar all over again, and smiled as it shattered. I feel remorse and guilt. And that’s a good thing, I’m convinced. It means I have convictions and perhaps a little of God’s tugging on my sleeve, telling me that I can rise above the constant chatter that makes people feel belittled and worthless. It means I can finally move toward the person I want to be: the person who chooses to think of them as good, to think of them as God’s children. Because they are. Because we all are.

What I’d apparently unlearned about friendship and words in all those years since elementary school was this: that people are people. They are human, are real, are delicate, have flaws, and very real wounds. And by talking about them in negative ways, I was just reducing their humanity and I wasn’t helping to build them up.

And when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of it, how would I want someone to treat me? With grace and dignity? Or with scowls and whispers and hidden shared secrets every time I walked up to a group of people?

We should chose words wisely, we know this. We need to use words to build each other up, not tear down. Again, this is not a new concept here.

Insightful? World-changing idea? No.

But powerful, and the right thing to do? Absolutely.

The Power of Words in Song

nospam@example.com (Kelly Staples) — Mon, 13 May 2013 12:38:00 -0500

Kelly Staples is the Director of Youth Ministries and Pastoral Assistant. She is a graduate of Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary and is a fan of most fried foods and all the Texas Rangers.

"Song is a response which engages the whole self in prayer. Song unites the faithful in common prayer wherever they gather for worship whether in church, home, or other special place."
– PCUSA Book of Order W 2.1003

If you know our youth, then it should come as no surprise to you that other than five or six faithful kids, the majority of them do not like to sing in public.

Choir is not going to happen. Even hymns at church are sung at a whisper directly into the spines of the big blue hymnal. Some will sing only in the shower. It’s normal, I’ve found, for that age group to be in love with music, but have a complicated relationship with song. And I used to think that was just fine with me.

But something changed for me during our Youth Lock-in in April. After a HEATED game of whirly ball (with disputed final results) my two warring factions of youth packed themselves into the 15 passenger van grumbling about who scored what and who really won the second match. I turned on the radio, pulled on to the highway and Taylor Swift came on the radio.

Suddenly, all of my passengers from shy 6th grade girls to boisterous 11th grade boys were singing loudly, “We are NEVER EVER EVER, getting back together!!!”

During the verses they argued with each other about the cultural validity of Swift’s music but even the loudest antagonists would chime in when the chorus came around, singing in exaggerated twang and falsetto. The back row had its own choreography. The girls in the middle row swayed back and forth to the beat.

And everyone stopped arguing.

In fact, the group seemed to get along much better after the ride back (which also included sing-a-longs of Alicia Keys and Macklemore.) At the time I thought, “How weird, that the van ride accomplished in 15 minutes, what 45 minutes of ‘bonding games’ could not. How did this happen?”

I am not alone as I ponder that question. In 2009 Stanford University psychologists Scott S. Wittermuth and Chip Heath did a study of how “synchrony fosters cooperation.”

For the duration of the experiment they observed the effects of how certain activities like synchronized movement, reciting chants, and singing in unison affected productivity and group dynamic. Their results showed that people actually form an emotional bond with people they sing and chant with much faster than when left to their own devices. Groups who sang together were more likely to self-sacrifice, be open to compromise and discussion, and reported feeling a greater “connection” to the group.

Even participants who reported disliking the synchronized activity still received the emotional benefits of participating.

Last week Brent wrote that words can “create reality.”

What I’ve found is that how the words are communicated can vastly change a reality for the better. Unison activity, especially singing, can change the mood of the group in an instant.

So give it a try next time your group isn’t “gelling.”

And maybe think about joining the choir or at least singing a little louder on Sundays… because it’s good for you and it’s good for us.

In the Beginning

nospam@example.com (Brent Barry) — Mon, 06 May 2013 11:27:15 -0500

Brent Barry is Senior Pastor at NorthPark. You can help him continue Sunday morning discussions of faith throughout the week. Join in the conversation and let us hear from you!

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God."
— John 1:1

Words have the power to incite and divide, to calm and connect, to create and affect change.

It can even be argued that words create reality. Reality does not exist without words to describe it. In fact that is much of what we do on Sunday morning. We try and use words to re-describe reality in terms of a faith experience.

In an effort to continue this project throughout the week we are going to begin blogging on our website in a decent and orderly fashion. For those of you non-Presbyterians, we Presbyterians love to use (way overuse the phrase) "decent and in order" — but that is a topic for another blog.

I will blog the first week of each month. Kelly Staples, our pastoral assistant, will blog on the second week of each month.

Liz Rasley, a church member and wonderful writer, will blog on the third week, and Tom Blackwood, a member of our Session and chair of our Mission Committee will blog on the fourth.

To kick off our new blogging commitment I thought I would quote from the best book on writing I have ever read. I think this quote also gives some credence as to why we blog... or read a blog anyway.

"Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It's like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can't stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship."

— Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

In the aftermath: Choices

nospam@example.com (Brent Barry) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 15:34:31 -0500

Brent Barry is Senior Pastor at NorthPark. You can help him continue Sunday morning discussions of faith throughout the week. Join in the conversation and let us hear from you!

On Sunday, April 21st in worship was the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:1-12.)

Using the Beatitudes, I tried to lay out some of the choices I think we are called to make when facing times of tragedy and terror. Some of you asked that I print these and share. Here is the piece of the sermon that addressed these choices in more concise form:

First: It’s NOT okay that all of the events of last week happened. But it is okay to be sad and angry that it happened. “Blessed are you if you mourn for you will be comforted.”

Second: I don’t know why terrorist attacks happen and fertilizer plants blow up whole communities but anyone who runs to easy, knee jerk answers or draws broad conclusions of why it happened, why God let it happen, should at least be listened too cautiously. Jesus did not offer up explanations but rather blessings.

Third: Let’s work to respond not react. Reacting is to post on Facebook to “shoot looters in the face” as a way to talk about the West tragedy. Reacting is to draw conclusions that all immigrants are terrible, all Muslims are terrorists. Responding is to see the bigger picture. We are all immigrants, everyone of us. God commands us to welcome the stranger. Millions of Muslims around the world are peacemaking, kind-hearted people. God loves the peacemakers.

Fourth: God shed a lot of tears this week. We know that in Jesus Christ, God suffers with us. In the beatitudes that we read earlier, God cast his lot with the meek, the mourning, the persecuted, the poor. So I believe God was moving toward those who were injured at the marathon. God was in the shoes of the first responders, the medics, the EMT’s, the runners who crossed the finish line and kept running straight to give blood. God was with Jeff Bauman as a man in cowboy hat saved his life and then when Mr. Bauman barely conscious after surgery, was able to identify one of the terrorists.

God was with the volunteer fireman responding to the tragedy in West, with the woman who was shuttling people out of the nursing home. God is with those who are still digging through rubble even today.

Fifth: God doesn’t cause suffering but out of crucifixion brings resurrection. It is the story of the Beatitudes. Blessings do come in the midst of suffering. Because this week as we have said, people did not just run away from terrorism, they ran into chaos to help.

What about Matthew M. who tweeted that he had room for people to sleep the night after the marathon and then housed 22 people is his small apartment. It’s a blessing in the midst of suffering.

What about Erleigh Norville Wiley? She was appointed to replace slain District Attorney Mike McLelland in Kaufman County. Her response? “You can’t be fearful, you just have to be prayerful.” That statement is a blessing in the midst of suffering.

How about the man who drove to the nursing home that was so close to the explosion in West and said “we pulled up to the retirement home because we knew that they would need help. The windows were blown out. Doors were gone. As we went into the building, the ceiling was down.

When we would go into each room the sheet rock was on top of patients. The halls were in devastation … I pulled out 16 people. I carried two at one time to hurry up and try and get them out because I knew how bad it was. From there we went to the next wing to make sure it was clear.”

It’s a blessing in the midst of suffering.

And how about the many of who have donated money or blood or food or diapers to the West community that is in such need?

That is where we get to the final point. And it is this: If the beatitudes are true, then our job is not just to find the blessing but to be the blessing. Not just when there is an explosion or even two, but live the beatitudes day to day, embody them in our everyday lives.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are you who hunger and thirst for righteousness you will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful for they will receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Hannah, Hold onto the Cross

nospam@example.com (Brent Barry) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 10:25:00 -0500

Brent Barry is Senior Pastor at NorthPark. You can help him continue Sunday morning discussions of faith throughout the week. Join in the conversation and let us hear from you!

A few years ago I shared a letter that I wrote to my daughter Hannah about the cross. She was just three years old when I wrote this letter and had grabbed the cross on my key chain. One of you recently asked me for this letter, so I thought I would send it out again this week. More so even than when I wrote it, I think it is one of the most important letters I have ever written.

"Hannah, hold on to the cross. The world will not always be full of Easter bunnies and Easter eggs. Someday, somebody close to you will die. It may be a close friend or it may be me. It is then that you will need to know about the cross. When the tragedy comes, well-meaning people will work hard to fix you so that you feel better. You may hear a lot more about resurrection than the cross. They may even tell you how you should feel when you are hurting, but remember that this is not what God did. God did not come in and fix the world. God encountered the pain of the cross before the healing of resurrection. God came into the world and went to the cross and felt all of the anger and sadness that you feel. Instead of fixing things, God comes into the world and gets on to the cross and enters into your suffering. God feels all of your feelings. God hurts and grieves and suffers with you.

The model of what God does on the cross is not only good when times are tough but also a good model for life in general. Whether you are in 4th grade or 40 years old, most everybody will judge you in terms of your "upward mobility", but the way of the cross is "downward mobility." Jesus said this is the way to life and peace. When everybody else is worried about being liked by the popular kids, spend some time to see how the kid sitting alone at lunch feels. While everybody else worries about a thinner waist or a larger chest, take some time to visit a hospital and talk to a woman dying of breast cancer.

I know that you have already seen some violence in cartoons and you can even be a little violent at times. Remember though, you do not have to fight violence with violence. There is another way, and it is the way of the cross. It is the harder way, but what Jesus taught us through his death was that love is always more powerful than violence. Jesus started this non-violent movement, but Ghandi, Dorothy Day, Martin Luther King and many others brought it down through the ages. Practice what they have to say about non-violence and encourage your little brother to practice non-violence. Boys sometimes have a harder time understanding non-violence.

While I believe that the cross is the door to life, some well-meaning religious people will use the cross in a way that may scare you and give you a distorted view of God. As you get into middle school, they may tell you that Jesus died for your sins and that you have to be "saved" or you are going to hell. This is not what I believe. Your salvation is in God's hands - not in the hands of religious people. Salvation is a gift that only God can give. There is no prayer we can pray to earn it. While it is true that you are a sinner, and so am I, Jesus did not bribe an angry God with his death so that God will love you and rescue you from hell. God was not up in heaven waiting to be paid off by Jesus. God is the one who dies on the cross in Jesus Christ. God in Jesus Christ does not come to save us from the wrath of God but, instead, loves us so much that God saves us from our sin. Jesus did not come to change God's mind but to express God's ongoing love for us. Always remember that God loves you and will never stop loving you. God is for you, and you can't do anything to lose God's love.

Hannah, someday I hope you can understand what I am trying to say. You will go through life in a world that either doesn't want to think about the pain of the cross or uses the cross to scare people. You may not hear much about the cross we have been talking about, even in churches, but I believe it can be your best navigating tool through life. The way to resurrected life goes through the cross. Hold on to the cross."

Grace & Peace,
Brent

Imagine a World...

nospam@example.com (Brent Barry) — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 10:32:00 -0600

Brent Barry is Senior Pastor at NorthPark. You can help him continue Sunday morning discussions of faith throughout the week. Join in the conversation and let us hear from you!

Before you do anything else today, I encourage you to stop and take two minutes and forty-five seconds and watch this video.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-57570865/act-of-sportsmanship-gives-texas-high-schooler-shot-at-glory/

When I saw this video last week I was deeply moved. One of the reasons it struck me was because I coached my children’s sports teams during all of their elementary years. I have watched otherwise decent and caring people in real life turn into shaming, angry coaches and yelling, mean-spirited parents. But the other reason I loved this video is I think we get a glimpse of the world that God imagined. First, we meet Mitchell who helped out on the team anyway he could-a great reminder for anybody in a community. We then hear from Coach Morales. I am sure that the goal for Coach Morales was to win, but by playing Mitchell, he showed that including everyone was more important. In fact, he says that playing Mitchell is more important than winning.

When Jonathan from the opposing team passes the ball to Mitchell with seconds left in the game, it bore witness to what we talked about Sunday in exploring Isaiah 55. It is no longer us versus them, there is only “us”, a very large “us” that includes everyone.

Maybe most importantly, Jonathan said after the game “I was raised to treat others the way you wanted to be treated.” Of course this is a form of the Golden Rule found in almost all religions and in Matthew 7:12 for Christians. Imagine if those words were not just on the pages of our great religious texts but enfleshed in us at sports activities, business dealings, church debates, and family relationships.

Imagine a world where:
• Everybody helps out in any way they can,
• Inclusion is more important than winning,
• We treat others the way we want to be treated.

Imagine that the pass from Jonathan to Mitchell is a metaphor for life.
I believe it is the world that God desires and imagines. It is also the one that we are called to create.

Grace and Peace,
Brent

Join us for Ash Wednesday Services on February 13th

nospam@example.com (Brent Barry) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 16:21:51 -0600

Brent Barry is Senior Pastor at NorthPark. You can help him continue Sunday morning discussions of faith throughout the week. Join in the conversation and let us hear from you!

On Wednesday, February 13, NorthPark will have Ash Wednesday services to begin the season of Lent. Two identical services will be offered at 12:00 and 7:00 pm. Each service will last no more than 30 minutes.

While Ash Wednesday has been practiced for 1,400 years, it was thought to be an excess of the Catholic Church during the time of the Reformation. In the last 50 years many Presbyterian churches have begun to recapture the powerful experience found in Ash Wednesday, and at NorthPark we are trying to do that in a very particular way.

At the service you will be given two blank slips of paper. You will be invited to write down (for your eyes only) a behavior or attitude you want to change and/or leave behind. As you come forward to receive the ashes, you will tear up your paper and drop the pieces in a bowl. After the ashes are imposed, you will pass by the baptismal font and dip your hand in the water as a sign that you are re-claiming your identity as Christ’s disciple. When you return to your seat, you will write on the second slip of paper a new behavior or attitude that you want to take with you.

Our hope is that this day will allow you to bear witness to the truths of life which include pain but also healing, repentance but also forgiveness, death but also life ever-lasting. We hope you'll join us.

Grace and peace,
Brent

A word from Brent Concerning the Shooting in Connecticut

nospam@example.com (Brent Barry) — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 10:59:00 -0600

Brent Barry is Senior Pastor at NorthPark. You can help him continue Sunday morning discussions of faith throughout the week. Join in the conversation and let us hear from you!

We just learned of the shooting this morning at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newton, Connecticut. AP reports that as of this hour there are 26 people dead, including 18 children. Here is a prayer I just wrote (and prayed) if you would like to use it.

Holy God,

We offer up prayers after another shooting in what is supposed to be a safe place. Be with all those affected and traumatized by the shooting in Connecticut. Stay close to the families who now grieve the loss of life. Give comfort to children who now live in fear and will never forget. Wrap your loving arms around this community and show them the way forward. We pray this in the name of the Prince of Peace. We pray this in Advent where we wait for peace. We pray with desperation that peace may truly come. Amen.

God bless you and yours,
Brent

Minds, Hearts, Hands & Elections

nospam@example.com (Brent Barry) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 09:37:00 -0600

Brent Barry is Senior Pastor at NorthPark. You can help him continue Sunday morning discussions of faith throughout the week. Join in the conversation and let us hear from you!

Jesus instructs his disciples to have the "toughness of a serpent and the tenderness of a dove." Some have interpreted Jesus' words to mean that we need, "a tough mind and a tender heart." As we go to the polls today, those are good words to consider.

A tough mind thinks for itself. It listens to others ideas and opinions, then draws its own conclusions. A tough mind thinks, not only decisively but also incisively. It uses critical judgment to distinguish fact from fiction. The tough mind carefully sifts through all the arguments before deciding which are true and which are false. Conversely, a soft mind seeks quick, easy answers for complex and complicated problems. It is willing to believe almost anything if someone in authority says it.

The gospel demands a tough mind. It also demands a tender heart - one that understands and cares and gives and forgives. It values people, not as a way to advance an agenda, not as a means to an end, but as ends in themselves. A tender heart is moved by the pains and afflictions of others and looks for ways to show compassion. A hard heart, by contrast, is cold and detached, uncaring, uninvolved, numb. It avoids the sorrows and sufferings of others.

Jesus tells us that whoever the candidates are, however we vote, we need tough minds to sort out what is genuine about each of the candidates and what isn't. Jesus also expects us to have tender hearts - hearts that are open to the needs of other people.

When we have used our tough minds and tender hearts and the votes have been counted, we will then need one more thing. Open hands. John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, said it best. Speaking to those who disagreed with him, Wesley said:

"Give me your hand. I do not mean, Be of my opinion. You need not: I do not expect it or desire it. Neither do I mean I will be of your opinion. I cannot. Keep your opinion; I mine; and that as steadily as ever. You need not endeavor to come over to me or bring me to you. Only give me your hand.

We must act as each is fully persuaded in their own mind. Hold fast that which you believe is most acceptable to God, and I will do the same. Let all these smaller points stand aside. If your heart is as my heart, if you love God and all humankind, I ask no more. Simply, Give me your hand."

Grace and peace,
Brent

FaithSpeak: Race to Nowhere Screening & Discussion

nospam@example.com (FaithSpeak Series) — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 16:12:34 -0500

Following our screening of "Race to Nowhere" on October 11th, many parents asked if we could republish the suggested actions highlighted at the end of the documentary.

These suggestions can also be found at www.endtherace.org, under the "Take Action" tab.

Here is a list of suggested actions that can be taken by parents & caregivers:

• Discuss what success means to your family. Do your actions reflect your values?
• Reduce performance pressure
• Avoid over-scheduling
• Allow time for play, family, friends, downtime & sleep
• Ask your children how they're feeling
• Allow your children to make mistakes and learn from them
• Dialogue with your children about their experiences in school
• Know the signs of childhood depression, and follow your instincts
• Attend school board meetings and other venues where education is discussed and policies are established and reinforced
• Form alliances and organize other parents to join you
• As a group, talk to your children’s teachers and school administrators
• Challenge accepted homework practices and policies and the imposition of state and national standards that have narrowed curriculum
• Advocate for a later start time in high school
• Eat dinner regularly as a family
• Make the college search about finding the "right fit" rather than finding the "best" college

What suggestions would you add to this list?

We would love for you to share your experiences in addressing issues that were outlined in the movie.

Thank you for joining the discussion!

Lunch with Friends

nospam@example.com (Liz Rasley) — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 12:30:17 -0500

A couple of weeks ago, some of our Nigerian friends at church hosted a lunch for the entire congregation.

It was lovely, in all definitions of the word. Just wonderful. The food was great, the company warm and inviting, and all around it was just a good time.

As clichéd as it may sound, there is something to be said about breaking bread together, wherever you are, whomever you are with. It just doesn’t get old, this hanging out with people, eating good food.

And this is simply what we did.

Of course, we want to praise ourselves-

Look at us! We are uniting black and white!
Look at us! We are trying for world peace!
Look at us! We are capable of the Noble Peace Prize!

I would love to say all of those things, because, perhaps maybe one day this will be finally true, and we all as a society can get over this whole skin color debate once and for all.

But last week?
Nah, we just sat down to lunch together as friends. That’s all.

Whoever said, or made up, (or enforced the “rule”) that you have to sit and like and live and behave like those that are the same color as you, is crazy.

Sure, there is comfort and knowingness in those boundaries, in what you know, in familiarity. Sure, there is some societal norms and acceptance around that.

However, to say that those colored like you are the people you ultimately connect with, that they are all your friends, well, that’s like wearing just one outfit for the rest of your life. Sometimes, it just doesn’t fit, and on top of that, it doesn’t make sense to do that; your mood changes, your ideas change as you grow and evolve, and so do your choice in friends.

Now, I’m not going to pretend to be the white person I’m not and say I have tons of friends of all different creeds and colors. I don’t, unfortunately, and that tells you more about me and my comfort level than anything else.

In fact, if you want to classify and categorize me into a group, I am One of Those: just another white person still figuring out how to dance to a beat.

However, I will tell you this: those friends of ours, they cook a mean, yummy lunch.

And those friends of ours are just that: friends.

And in the meantime, I’m going to have fun with them and talk about the headdresses that they wear, those big, bold, beautiful pieces that I am too ashamed to wear, and we’ll work on peace negations later.

In the meantime, we’re just going to continue to have lunch.

What Have We Learned?

nospam@example.com (Liz Rasley) — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 10:02:00 -0500

In years after 9/11, I tend to reflect a little more each year. Maybe it’s part of getting older, maybe it’s part of being a parent, I don’t know. Whatever the reason is, that’s the truth in what I do a lot of around this time in September: reflecting. And trying to learn from the past.

And each year I tend to make the remembrances in September a little more formal, a little more of a ritual of remembrance. September in general, is a month of bitter sweetness for me; it’s the month after my mom found out she had cancer in 1994, it’s the month my grandmother died that same year, the grandmother who seemed to be the only one in my family with a personality like mine, and it’s also the month of Labor Day and 9/11. So in the beginning of the month, I tend to draw in closer to myself, my soul, and into the emotions of remembering.

So, each year, pretty much with consistency, I wonder and ponder about 9/11 too, as I imagine most do.

And particularly this year, I wondered:

Have we learned anything? Have I learned anything from this?

This was a huge tragedy, and I’m not trying to undermine or sell the emotions short. 11 years later, I still cannot find the right words to explain the hurt, the terror, the fear and the unspeakable bravery I still feel about the events of that day.

But I still wonder the same thing:

Have we as a people learned anything? Have I learned anything from this?

And there is lots that I remember from this day, a lot of panic and trying to figure out how God/did God let this happen, a lot of trying to just process the fact that this wasn’t the very worst nightmare ever, that this wasn’t a dream. That this was real life, and the most nightmarish day ever.

But I also distinctly remember thinking this:

This is our wake-up call. We have to slow down.

And 11 years ago, compared with the light speed that we move at today, 11 years ago in September, by comparison, we weren’t moving fast. At all. Our cell phones just had the beginnings of texting options. We had no iPhones yet. We were still years away from understanding Facebook or Twitter or even what “social media presence” meant.

Yet we were moving fast enough, chasing the American (or what we called it) Dream of money and happiness with enough gusto and force that I think we lost sight of what was really most important: Family. Friends. People. Community.

And on my drive home today, I was trying to pinpoint it, that moment, that turning point in time when life went from just barely manageable to light speed; to when did it get so crazy? When, exactly did we start with this speed of (sort of) living life?

When did life (pre and post 9/11) become so serious and so insane that we lost sight of what was most important, when it was staring us straight in the face daily?

In my teeny-tiny house, you don’t lose sight of the fridge; it’s big, it’s bold, it takes up half of my post-stamp sized kitchen, and it’s an important thing in our daily family life. Yet, somehow leading up to that day, and 11 years after, we have lost sight, I have lost sight, we continue to lose sight of what’s most important, the literal fridge in the kitchen: Family. Friends. People. Community.

In every story that I’ve studied from 9/11 about the details of that day, particularly those stories from New York or Washington DC, there is consistently some mention of people, of family—something along the lines of “I just wanted to hold my kids” or “I just wanted to tell my wife I loved her” or “I just wanted to hug my dad.” I’ve read a lot of remembrances in these years since 2001, and the one thing that is the same thread through so many stories is this: Family. Friends. People. Community. This cannot be a coincidence that they all cite the same things.

No one comments about the windfall of paper, of all that paperwork that fell like a heavy rain when the towers fell. Not one person lamented about the state of their desk, a lost file cabinet. And the people who were at work that day the subject again revolves around people and loved ones. What co-workers they lost, or found, or saved or comforted. What co-workers or people or firefighters or community cried with them and for them.

Please hear me in saying that work, productivity and making a living is important. For most of us, it’s what pays the bills, makes us feel productive and successful in life and is and can be enjoyable.

However, I think we’ve totally skewed it’s importance in that it’s totally intoxicated us into believing that the things we value, that we really cherish deep in our hearts, is second place.

We’ve tricked and duped ourselves into believing that people, friends, family and community are second place. That they will always be there; that we can pick back up after a crazy hectic week, or working 60+ hours a week, that they will be there, always, whenever we’re ready to dive into the mess again of living and being in community with people.

And yet still I think:

When did it become so crazy, this world?

When really, the question is—when did we allow it to become so crazy?

About a year ago, I started to put some boundaries on my family life and personal time. It happened sort of inconspicuously, to counteract the interruptions at dinner, as most of the time when we sat down to dinner, we would inevitably get phone calls, texts, you name it, all through dinner.

And with what limited time we had as a family, I devised a plan: I told all of my extended family and friends that 6:30-8:30 was family time; we wouldn’t pick up the phone or text or call or email during that time. And we wouldn’t answer calls, texts or emails during that time either, unless it was an emergency scenario. It was a signature on my email that read:

Family time is from 6:30-8:30 every night.
We don’t answer calls or texts or emails at this time.
Leave a message and we will get back to you after family time.

I wish I were brave enough (and consistent enough) to tell you that this is still my signature on my email. But, like everyone else, my time and my boundaries have been eroded by the constant demands of work, of commitments, of other things important, but not as important and as life giving and life changing as family, friends and community. So I too have fallen into the category of allowing my world to become crazy; to let the outside world dictate what is important in my life, which is, again--Family. Friends. People. Community.

Hopefully you can do something like this too, and together, maybe we both can learn something big from 9/11 in doing something small that tips the scales of unbalanced lives back into the balanced position. Maybe it’s waking up 15 minutes early to read to your child before the day gets hairy, messy, explodes all over the place. Maybe it’s volunteering. Maybe it’s getting to know those neighbors that moved in 6 months ago. Maybe it’s being patient with your spouse on a consistent basis.

And maybe, just maybe, we can learn something from this tragedy and live, really live the lives that we have left. After such tragedies as 9/11 what are we left with? More time? More chances? Maybe, if we’re lucky.

But what we are left with, after we subtract God and ourselves, is each other. Would be wise if we made each other a priority.

Remembering 9/11 & 9/17

nospam@example.com (Brent Barry) — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 17:55:50 -0500

Brent Barry is Senior Pastor at NorthPark. You can help him continue Sunday morning discussions of faith throughout the week. Join in the conversation and let us hear from you!

Today is September 11th. It marks the 11th anniversary of the day when Al Qaeda terrorists in four hijacked planes killed more than 3,000 Americans. In worship on Sunday we prayed for those who still grieve, for responders with lingering health issues, as well as those who still live with fear in their hearts. We then had a moment of silence to remember all those we lost that day and were affected by that day. We will never forget it.

There is a day I had forgotten, however. I was reminded of the events of September 17, 2001 while reading an article by Samuel Friedman in the New York Times just last week. Six days after the attack, President George W. Bush visited a Washington mosque where Mr. Bush removed his shoes, in accordance with Islamic practice. He met for about 45 minutes with leaders of several American Muslim organizations. Afterward, standing before a tile wall of characteristically Islamic patterns and near a woman wearing a hijab, Mr. Bush hailed American Muslims as "friends" and "taxpaying citizens."

He went on to say: "These acts of violence against innocents violate the fundamental tenets of the Islamic faith. And it's important for my fellow Americans to understand that." He quoted from the Koran: "In the long run, evil in the extreme will be the end of those who do evil." Then he continued in his own words: "The face of terror is not the true faith of Islam. That's not what Islam is all about. Islam is peace. These terrorists don't represent peace. They represent evil and war."

That day of tolerance and unity between faiths seems like a lifetime ago, but one of my prayers 11 years later is that Christians and Muslims, Mormons and Sikhs, Jews and Hindus can hold strongly to very different beliefs without demonizing one another. I pray that the golden rule, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," which is found in almost all religions, might be taken seriously by all religions. Let religious freedom reign. Let peacemaking be on the rise. Let Christian love be on the move.

If you would like to offer your thoughts, please click "comments" to join the conversation.

Grace and Peace,
Brent

Rally Day, August 26!

nospam@example.com (Brent Barry) — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 10:54:29 -0500

Brent Barry is Senior Pastor at NorthPark. You can help him continue Sunday morning discussions of faith throughout the week. Join in the conversation and let us hear from you!

We invite you to come to church on Rally Day, August 26 and bring a friend! We will have the 8:30 service as usual and then there will be a pancake breakfast - serving will begin at 9:00 and continue at 9:30 am. During breakfast we will talk about what each Sunday School Class is studying this coming year. After breakfast, we will tour the updates and renovations to our building and end with a time of celebration and thanksgiving in the new youth lounge area. Children will have a chance to visit their classroom for the year before the 11:00 service. During worship, I will begin a sermon series based on our mission statement and theme for the year:
Faithful Find Community
Community Creates Disciples
* Disciples Change the World

In celebration of the extensive renovations to our building we will weave liturgy into the worship service from our Building Dedication Service on May 26, 1991. We will have a litany to dedicate the renovations and the eye clinic we funded in Kenya. We will introduce many of the new members who have joined this summer and introduce our new volunteer receptionists.

After the service on Rally Day you will be handed two NorthPark Church post cards and a new decal. We invite you to give those postcards to friends and put the decal on your car. When you leave the service on Rally Day, please take a brief moment to reflect on the Christ window calling you to go out in the world and serve. Dedicate yourself with renewed passion to love the Lord your God with everything you have and your neighbor as yourself.

Thanks be to God for the gift of life and the opportunity to serve!
Brent

The Bible, the Newspaper, and the Iphone

nospam@example.com (Brent Barry) — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 16:59:46 -0500

Brent Barry is Senior Pastor at NorthPark. You can help him continue Sunday morning discussions of faith throughout the week. Join in the conversation and let us hear from you!

The great theologian Karl Barth once said that if the church is going to say anything meaningful to the world, we must do it with the Bible in one hand and a newspaper in the other. At NorthPark Church, we are trying to take seriously those words for the 21st century.

While some today might re-interpret Barth's words and say "a Bible in one hand and an IPhone in the other," the point is still true. If the church has anything to say to the culture, we must turn to our faith with the real and complicated issues of today, and then we must let our faith inform and interpret today's issues. Of course, we do this on Sunday morning, but there is now opportunity to do this in a variety of ways throughout the week.

An example might be found in last Monday night's service. By the end of Friday we had heard of much suffering around the world due to suicide bombings and the tragedy at the theater in Colorado. By Monday night we had put together a service of prayer and had let many know about it. We did what Christians have always done after tragedy. We prayed for peace.

Another example can be found in the events that the FaithSpeak Team will be putting on over the course of the year. As you know we have a wonderful location and a welcoming church. We have a community of diverse theological and political perspectives. We also can discuss hot-button issues, disagree, and still love each other at the end. Therefore, we think that we are just the place to host forums when issues arise in the community or world. We want this to be a place of dialogue and conversation, a place where we put on our thinking caps and also keep an open mind.

The first of these forums will take place on the evening of October 11. We have found that families and educators struggle with over-scheduled kids, homework until the wee hours of the morning, and very stressed out families. On that evening, we are going to be showing clips of a documentary called "The Race to Nowhere" which struggles with this issue. There will be conversation and reflection afterward with experts, parents, and kids.

When other issues arise in the community or world Lake Highlands Today lakehighlandstoday.com will be podcasting conversations between me and Wilshire Baptist Pastor Mark Wingfield. Our first discussion is online now and addresses the issue of health care and faith.

Finally, we will be using more social media to address issues of faith and life. You can follow me on Twitter at BrentABarry8. But you can also read what I am posting on the front page of our website. The goal of using social media is not to include one group or exclude another. It is however a way for me to keep you updated daily about the decisions and issues within the Presbyterian church, others thoughtful quotes, thoughts for Sunday, and interesting articles regarding religion, life, and culture.
Again, I have been and will be updating most every day.
I know Barth could never have dreamed that these new initiatives would come from his mandate to "keep the Bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other" but if he were alive today I think he would encourage us to keep with it!

Grace and peace,
Brent